


look at your hands (hide how they shake)

by warlockdetective



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, I'm worried this may be a little OOC but I really enjoyed writing this, POV Second Person, Post-Canon, Redeemed Carmelita Spats, VFD is (what's the word) Bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:47:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22265092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warlockdetective/pseuds/warlockdetective
Summary: You're used to the brave face you've had to keep. You know you don't exactlyhaveto anymore, but it feels too soon to put it aside.Violet's thoughts keep her awake one night.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 11





	look at your hands (hide how they shake)

**Author's Note:**

> You know when you've pushed back so much stress that the smallest thing causes it all to leave you in an emotional sort of way? Yeah, that's pretty much what this fic's about. It's hard to explain it, but _man..._  
>  Honest feedback is appreciated.

You can't sleep. Truth be told, it's been hard for you to sleep at all the past few nights, but you can't quite pin why. Everyone else has seemed to be sleeping alright though, so it's fine. Really, it's fine.

Tonight is the fourth night this week where there's been a downpour. You'd say maybe that would be what's keeping you up, but that would be a lie; the rain, more often than not, usually tends to soothe you. You can't really say it's too loud, either; your neighbors aren't the noisy type, and everyone else is already asleep. You know you don't need to, but you find yourself checking to see if everyone really is asleep, a small sort of relief coming to you when you see that they are; it's a routine you've had for as long as you can remember, and frankly some nights you're worried when it's _too_ quiet.

There are nights where the silence gets too worrying. The more you try to think about why, the more worrying the answers become. You try to put on a brave face these nights, but you'd be lying if you said it didn't get tiring. Besides, at this point you're used to the brave face you've had to keep. You know you don't exactly _have_ to anymore, but it feels too soon to put it aside.

The last time you had done that, _they_ found her.

A cold chill runs through you at that, and you can feel a pit in your stomach growing at the mere reminder of it. "They don't have her anymore," you tell yourself. "She's fine now. And they'll _never_ get to her again." That doesn't stop the fear they've brought from returning to you most nights, however. Even though part of you knows that everything is over now, the fear has a way of coming back to you.

A sigh leaves you as you make your way to the kitchen. You can't bring yourself to look at the clock; it doesn't matter what time it is, it really doesn't. You don't touch the tea in the cupboard; you honestly don't know why you have it, none of you can even stand to drink it. You're about to look for something cold in the fridge you can have when you lose your grip on the mug. Frantically, you try to grab it, quiet pleas leaving you.

The mug shatters the moment it hits the ground.

No.

No no no no _no no no_ \--

Your legs buckle and eventually force you to sit in the corner. Your breathing is rapid and you can feel your eyes watering.

_Great. Just one more thing you couldn't do._

"No," you speak, hands shaking, frantically grasping and releasing your hair. "This is fine. This is _fine_ \--"

_You can't even hold a cup. No wonder you couldn't keep your siblings safe._

"No," your voice is hoarse as you try to talk. "Stop it--"

**No wonder that organization got their hands on her.**

You swear you can hear someone screaming your name, but you can't bring yourself to your feet. You're shaking, head tucked behind your knees as you try to muffle a scream.

_"This is fine. Really, this is fine."_

**No it's not. It's been far from fine for a while now, and you know it.**

_Violet!_

_**Violet!**_

"Violet?" you hear clearly now, and you can't hide the surprise on your face when you register the hand on your shoulder and raise your head to see who's in front of you. Carmelita Spats kneels before you, her eyes filled with both exhaustion and concern.

" _I'm sorry!_ " you choke out, " _I don't know how they got here, I don't know how they found us, I don't_ \--"

"What?" she cuts you off, and it's then that your surroundings come back to you. The two of you are sitting on the kitchen floor, the mug you broke is admittedly less broken than you thought (maybe you can glue it back together, but not tonight), and if you listen past the rain you can faintly hear someone snoring. "Nobody's here but us," she speaks again, and it's as she's wiping the tears from your cheeks that the rest of your composure crumples.

" _I'm sorry,_ " you barely manage to mumble before you throw your arms around her and begin sobbing. She seems to stiffen for a moment, but before you can try to move, she brings you into an embrace. She rubs small circles along your back, almost unsure what to do or say in this sort of situation, but you'd be lying if you said you didn't appreciate it. Gradually, your breathing becomes a little more regular, and you swear you hear Carmelita breathe a sigh of relief at that.

After a moment, you pull away slightly and ask a little sheepishly, "Did I wake you up?"

"No," she answers after a pause. She's about to explain further when she pauses again. "Hey, don't change the subject!" she chastises you somewhat, but you can see the concern in her eyes as she adds, "I've never seen you this upset before! What happened?"

"I..." You can't keep the truth from her, and you know it. Whether or not you'll actually find a way to explain it, however, is another story. "I've been...getting too into my head about stuff that happened in the past," you begin, voice somewhat shaky as you press on, "I know a lot of it was just things I had no control over, and I know things are better now for the most part, but..." You feel tears threaten to leave you again as you finish, "I'm scared. I'm scared something's going to happen, and I'm scared that this might not be over, and..."

You can't finish your sentence, but you don't need to. Carmelita gives your hand a squeeze as she admits, "I'm scared, too. I...I'm scared of becoming who I was again." She takes a deep breath before she adds, "I'm scared of losing you guys." Her gaze averts from yours for a second as she admits in a hush, "I'm scared of fires. That's part of what woke me up." You feel a part of you sink at that, and you give her hand a squeeze in reassurance. Her gaze is still away from yours, but you can see her smile a little as she brings the two of you to a stand.

"I was gonna make some cocoa, actually. That's always calmed me on nights like this," she says once her gaze is back to you. She seems to light up somewhat as she says, "Have a seat, I'll make you a cup, too!"

"Oh, uh, you don't have to if you don't want--" you start to stammer.

" _Please_ ," Carmelita cuts you off again, "let me do something for you, for _once._ " She sets two mugs down on the counter before admitting, "That, and Sunny told me not to let you near a stove, and I'm not about to break her promise."

A small smile comes to you at the thought as you sit. You notice her pick up the pieces of the mug on the floor without a word, and a small sort of embarrassment comes to you at that. You look at your hands; they're still shaking, but it's subsided somewhat. You notice how heavy your eyes are, and _wow_ , you really _are_ tired, huh? You don't have a chance to dwell on it, for in almost an instant, Carmelita hands you a fresh mug of cocoa.

"Thank you," you murmur, taking care not to drop the mug as she sits beside you with a mug of her own.

"I almost added peppermint," she begins a little sheepishly, "but then I remembered that you're allergic, so...yeah."

You can't help but snort at Carmelita's awkwardness, but you reassure her, "We don't really mention it often, so I can see how it'd be easy to forget." The cocoa has the right amount of sweetness to it, and you aren't sure whether it's more this or the company that calms you almost completely. Neither of you say much, but you don't exactly need to.

"How's the cocoa?" she asks after a moment, a nervous tone to her voice you don't hear often.

"It's perfect," you answer earnestly, "thank you." A relieved sort of smile comes to her at that, and something about it causes a small smile of your own to come about as you continue drinking your cocoa.

"I.." Carmelita pauses for a moment before she continues, "I know you're more of a book person, but do you want me to see if there's something to watch?"

Though the question startles you a little, something about it makes a laugh leave you for the first time in a while. "Is there even anything on at this hour?" you ask, feeling a part of yourself cave at the thought of how late it is now.

"Probably not," she admits rather bluntly, but there's a smile on her face as she adds, "If it's bad, we can just talk over it. I won't mind if you fall asleep, though."

You can't hide the smile on your face, and you feel her give your hand another squeeze as you wipe the tears that start forming in your eyes; joyful sort of tears, almost. "I'd like that."


End file.
